Learning Curve

By Laura Forrest Hopfauf

My oldest daughter, who is close to being my clone, started school this year. It’s both an exhilarating and nerve-wracking time not just for her but me, too. There’s so much that’s new. So much that’s changing. So much that’s coming. She’s growing up, and I’m not ready. I’m not sure I have prepared her enough or the right way—or at all. But it’s made me think a lot about what I should tell her to prepare her for this next step in her life.  

Turns out the list of what I want her to know is a bit longer and stranger than I initially thought.  

The highlights of it go something like this: 

Be happy over being perfect. 

Be kind over getting stuff done. 

Never quit your passion, not even when it’s logical or you aren’t any good at it. 

Chill out. You don’t need to run the fastest mile, get the best standardized test score, and be homecoming queen. You need to be you. 

Whatever you accomplish is nothing compared to who you are. You’ve never got to sleep in bed with a trophy or an A+ paper, but you’ve got to find a way to go to sleep with yourself every night. 

It’s really okay if you aren’t good at science. Water will continue to be wet whether you understand exactly how two hydrogens and one oxygen make water or not. 

Don’t try to be too much too soon. Be a kid.  

Driving fast sounds fun until you crash. 

Try to learn as much as you can everywhere you can. That class you hate may someday be the one that gives you insight into the things you come to love.  

Stay in your own lane.  

If you have a chance to fill people up or tear them down, fill them up. 

The kids next to you aren’t your competition. They are your partners in life. The better they do, ultimately the better you will do. 

As much as you can, let it go. Hurt feelings. Disappointments. Shame. Life is hard and complicated. You’re going to do things wrong. It doesn’t mean you’re wrong.  

Try to believe that we are all good people, but sometimes we do bad things. We can fix bad things. We can stop doing bad things. Bad things are just something we do whereas bad people is who we are. Believe we are not bad. 

Have fun doing hard things. I think Hemingway enjoyed writing. I think Neil Armstrong liked walking on the moon. I think Michael Jordan loved flying.  

Find someone who makes riding the bus feel like a party and sit with them. 

Use everything you’ve been given. 

Be grateful and show grace.  

Thinking about teaching her these things has made me think about what actually matters as an adult, too. I’m a mom of three. Things get really complicated, busier than I thought possible—and hard. 

But when I take the time to think about life in the context of what I want my kid to know as she progresses in this stage of her life, which for her will have moments where it’s really complicated, busier than she thought possible, and hard, it’s simple. It’s knowing that you’re good and living in that good. It’s finding friends and treating them right. It’s working hard and with joy. It’s taking the everyday and turning it into a reason to party. It’s learning, not because someone tells you to, but because curiosity keeps us alive. 

The thing this has made me realize is we never graduate school. If we keep ourselves open, humble, and brave, the world will continue to educate us for the rest of our lives. I’ve had times when I didn’t believe that, when I thought I knew enough about the world that I could no longer be taught by it. Those times are gone. I’m a student again, just like my 5-year-old, and when I held her hand outside of that elementary school on the first day, I realized I was going back to school as well.