A Caring Café

John and Carolyn Perrygo.

The Memory Café gives those dealing with dementia and their caregivers a special setting 

By Laura Forrest Hopfauf

In Washington County alone there are at least 3,000 residents living with some form of dementia. While most of us are familiar with the late stage of dementia when a person may no longer know who they are, where they are or who their family and friends are, there are other stages, the early and middle, where people can live for years with mild symptoms and only occasional problems. 

Stigma around dementia and Alzheimer’s Disease along with fear and a lack of understanding often leaves this population isolated and alone in a time where social interaction can not just raise their spirits but contribute to their health. Engaging in social interaction has been proven to stabilize and slow cognitive decline. But finding a comfortable and safe way to do that as a person with dementia or as a caretaker of someone with dementia is easier said than done. 

Right at Home of Washington County, Dementia Friendly Washington County and the Alzheimer’s Association are actively changing that in Washington County by facilitating Memory Café on the last Thursday of every month at noon in Otterbein United Methodist Church off Franklin Street in downtown Hagerstown. It’s a free event open to all people living with dementia and their caregivers. 

Memory Café’s mission is “to provide a safe space for those living with dementia, along with their care partners, for socialization and making connections without having to worry about the stigma of the disease,” says Steven Luber, one of the two lead facilitators of Memory Café and the community liaison officer of Right at Home of Washington County. 

A typical Memory Café lasts 60 to 90 minutes and has between 15 and 25 attendees, though the group is continuing to grow, even welcoming attendees from Frederick County. After a round robin introduction to ensure everyone feels welcome, a lunch is provided by the sponsor of that month’s meeting who is typically part of the local senior community. During lunch everyone socializes and enjoys short videos on the past, like Christmas time in the 1950s or historical events that relate to the current season. After lunch the local sponsor will lead the group in an activity like painting, creating a floral arrangement, making ornaments or singing. 

Amanda Crawford and Steven Luber run the Memory Café for area residents dealing with dementia.

Having a space to gather with people who understand the intricacies of dementia is invaluable to this community. 

“There isn’t much that is better if you find yourself or your loved one on a dementia journey than to be in a room filled with others who completely understand,” says Carolyn Perrygo, a serving member of the Dementia Friendly Washington County steering committee and the care partner of her husband, John Perrygo, who was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in 2014 and continues to thrive with meaningful and joyful years to his life post-diagnosis. That is in large part due to his continued and active social life. 

“Memory Café has brought joy, friendships, understanding, compassion, fun and laughter to all who attend. There is something magical that happens each month as we gather to support each other on our respective dementia journeys,” Perrygo adds of her and John’s experience as regular attendees of Memory Café. 

The Perrygos are far from the only members who feel that way. The event is vibrant, full of joy and understanding for all who attend. There is no judgement on forgetfulness or misunderstanding or difficulty. This is a group all on the same path as they celebrate triumphs and deal with grief in their battle with dementia. 

Steve and Pam Johnson and Carlene and James Carr.

Terry Tillman, founder of Golden Girls Assisted Living in Hagerstown, says the senior women she cares for in her assisted living home look forward to the café every month. Tillman who opened Gold Girls Assisted Living after caring for her mother adds that Memory Café, “creates a community for dementia patients who are at home with family caretakers and are often on their own with no one like them.”  

Finding community, support and help can feel overwhelming for care partners and those living with dementia. But no one has to be alone.  

“Resources and support are available both locally and nationally for those caring for a loved one with dementia,” Luber says. “We are happy to help connect families to local and national resources. You are not alone on your journey. If we can come together as a community, we can make our county a great place to continue to thrive as we age.” 

The Memory Café is certainly thriving with laughter, joy and peace.  

“I just feel like I’m close to home when I come here,” says a regular attendee named Luray. “I just relax. I can’t wait for this Thursday to come. I just love it here.” 

And in that single thought, Luray sums up what Memory Café means to everyone in the room.