A Fitting Comeback
Jenny Tobery (black shirt) and her fitness trainer Tina Fraley.
Missing out on life, Jenny Tobery decided something had to change
By Jennifer Mellace
Three years ago, Jenny Tobery, then a 73-year-old breast cancer survivor, was 100 pounds overweight, had a number of health issues and could not walk the short distance to her mailbox.
“I spent most of my time in a recliner, and the more you do that, the worse things get,” she says. “You get more depressed, your breathing gets worse, your diabetes numbers get worse—all those things.”
The turning point came when her youngest grandson was graduating from high school. “I wasn’t sure if I was going to make it to the graduation,” Tobery recalls. “My older grandson walked very patiently with me. We stopped as I needed to, and I finally got there. I just remember thinking, I’m missing out on life.”
And so, she did something about it.
Now 76, Tobery has a new outlook on life—one that includes golfing, trying new things like ziplining and aerial yoga and sitting on the board of Prime Time for Women, a local nonprofit community that helps women in their prime be seen, be heard and live healthier lives. But the path to the new Jenny Tobery did not come overnight. It was paved with baby steps and an attitude that believes you are never too old.
Start Where You Are
A 2022 study by the National Council on Aging suggested that 79 percent of adults over 60 have two or more chronic illnesses, including diabetes, heart disease and high blood pressure. These are diseases that can impact a person’s length and quality of life, as well as the ability to live independently. But what we also know is that small, regular movement like walking or even chair-based exercise can help reduce the risk of chronic conditions, preserve mobility and improve mood. For Tobery, this reality was a lifeline.
Jamey Nystrom, Tobery’s daughter, started working out with Tina Fraley, the owner of Fit Minded Living in Hagerstown. Fraley offers personal training and holistic life coaching focused on building a healthier, more satisfying quality of life regardless of fitness level or location. In other words, start where you are.
“My mom was overweight, diabetic and dealing with balance issues,” Nystrom says. “She had tried doctors and drugs and none of it was working. She knew she needed to do something to regain her life. She saw me working out and then my brother—who also got serious about getting healthy again—and out of nowhere she called Tina and asked if she could come to the house to help her.”
Tobery’s initial goal was to be able to walk up the street to Nystrom’s house. “That was her motivation at that moment,” says Fraley. “It wasn’t about putting in practical nutrition or putting in burpees and broccoli, as I like to say. It was about figuring out who Jenny was, her life experience and what she felt she was missing from it.”
Working within Tobery’s fixed budget, they started in her small living room doing stretches, and from there small walks from her house. Tobery remembers walking down the street to a baseball grandstand where Fraley had her do some gentle exercises. “As we’re walking back up what I call a hill—most people would call it a slant in the road—I couldn’t make it. I gently fell and sat there, and a lady came walking by and asked if I was all right. I said, ‘I’m all right. I’m just trying to get healthy.’”
Fraley met with Tobery for 30-minute sessions twice a week. “That was really all she could handle emotionally, mentally and physically,” says Fraley. “There was a lot of movement anxiety—sometimes you’ll hear it referenced as exercise anxiety. When you live in a body that has let you down, you don’t trust it.”
Tobery also struggled with what others thought of her. “It’s really hard and it doesn’t matter how old you are or how much you’ve done in your life,” she says. “You see people walking up and down the road briskly with their dogs and all, and here I am huffing and puffing.
“But I got myself a fold-up cane that I could open into a saddle seat, and that became my security. I could open it up and just throw my leg over and sit. My husband would say, ‘People think that’s strange.’ But I got over that pretty quickly. None of us knows what life expectancy we have, but I decided that whatever life I had, I wanted to live it.”
Overcoming Fears
It took Tobery a good six months before she was comfortable enough to come into Fraley’s studio, where over time she learned all of the equipment and eventually started attending group classes. “She would come in and do one-on-one sessions with me and started learning about nutrition,” says Fraley. “She would also come in and share the wrestle moments when she had too many pieces of Dave’s bread—something we both love.”
Tobery started opening up and having real, sometimes hard, conversations. “I gave her permission to come in and sit across from me while she’s on the recumbent bicycle and say—with certainty and courage—I’m really not okay today, and it’s all I could do just to show up,” Fraley says. “Those are the moments that build the foundation and allow courage and confidence. Giving a voice to the silent part of herself was what helped Jenny keep moving forward. Those are micro changes that literally changed the entire trajectory of that woman’s life.”
Today, Tobery talks to young girls about things that she was afraid of when she was in her early 20s, and she is trying things she never thought possible.
“I’ve tried things I would have never tried before,” Tobery says. “Chair yoga was one of the first things I tried, and I loved it. I’ve also tried aerial yoga—when I was trying to get into this kind of parachute-like thing, I thought, Oh, Jenny, what are you doing? You can’t do this. But, you know, once I got the feel of what it was like to pull myself up, it felt good. I’ve learned not to be so self-conscious of what others are doing and just make up my own steps.”
Last year, for her 76th birthday, Tobery told her family that she wanted a challenge—she wanted to go ziplining at Tree Trekkers in Urbana, Maryland, even though she was afraid of heights.
“When I finally took off, I’m thinking, Wow, this is pretty good,” she says. Then came the third station of Tree Trekkers. Tobery remembers seeing the platform was slanted and throwing herself at it. “I did it wrong, and instead of landing on the platform, I threw myself backwards and slowly drifted to the middle of the line where I came to a dead stop hanging upside down. They had told us if that should happen, you have to pull yourself hand over hand, army style back up to the platform.”
After some time and lots of encouragement from her family, Tobery made it back up to the platform on her own. “In the past, I would have considered that a failure. But that day, it was not. I got myself to the platform, and I survived. I’m grinning now because it was a sense of accomplishment and before that, I would have been embarrassed. I was proud of myself.”
Living Life to the Fullest
The health changes Tobery has undergone have helped her diabetic and cholesterol numbers improve, but the mental changes have had a significant impact, too. “I haven’t become a 40-year-old or even a 60-year-old. But I’m living my best life right now. I still have little bouts of depression, but I overcome it. I’m happy.”
She is making friends, joined a book club, sits on the board of Prime Time for Women, works with Relay for Life and even started golfing last year.
“I’d never golfed before in my life and I love it,” she says. “And my grandson has started golfing with me. So, I have that connection.”
Bernadette Wagner, founder of Prime Time for Women, recalls when she first met Tobery. “I remember her being scared and shy, and worried about being judged. I invited her and a couple other ladies to my house for a book club meeting. Since then, she’s facilitated our Book Club Extravaganza, joined our golf club and now sits on our board. Jenny is a remarkable woman—an inspiration. Her journey, showing that living life at this age is not all about falling apart, is inspiring.”
Tobery turns 77 in September, and, at the time of this interview, she was trying to come up with her next challenge. “My grandson wants me to jump out of an airplane. But my daughter says no because I had knee surgery in the middle of all of this. She said she wasn’t going to take care of me if I hurt myself jumping out of an airplane,” she says with a laugh.
Advice for Taking the Next Step
Fraley and Nystrom both believe that Tobery is a great example of what happens when you choose to live your life.
“An entire world has opened up for this woman. She is living every single breath possible, just by having the courage to ask for the help,” says Fraley. “There are tools. There are people. I’m not the only trainer who does stuff like this. But if you come to a roadblock, that’s not the end. It’s literally just one of the answers that didn’t work, try again. Jenny is a walking, talking example of hope and resilience and what can happen when you say ‘yes.’”
Nystrom adds: “My mom is proof that you can become whoever you want to be. She is such an inspiration to our whole family. I don’t know what the magic pill is other than Jenny woke up one day and decided to live.”
Tobery became a great-grandmother this past year and recounts how thankful she is to be healthy enough to enjoy her new great-granddaughter.
“I hear people saying, ‘I don’t want to be a burden.’ Well, to not be a burden, you have to try and be as independent as you can. I have a great life now. I wouldn’t have had the nerve to speak to you before. I’m proud of myself, and more people need to hear that. I want to share it because I think there are people missing out on what they could have. Remember, you are never too old to begin again.”